Don't go there: 10 places not to find dates

Volumes have been written on the best places to pick up a member of the opposite gender, but nobody’s written word one on where not to meet a mate. Most regular daters are aware you can comfortably approach somebody at a friend’s party, or your favorite coffee shop, or the local grocery store, but what sort of places should you by no means think about romancing?

Here’re ten of ’em:

A skanky, nasty, gross bar

It’s all fine and good to ask a hottie for their phone number at a watering hole that has a nice jukebox, some top-shelf liquor, and relatively clean floors. But if the tavern looks and smells like a toxic waste dump, or if it has blood on the walls, or if the bartender is covered with festering sores, chances are the person you meet there has issues. Then again, if you’re hanging out there, chances are you have issues.

In the “Military History” section of a bookstore
Do you want to always associate your first meeting with the Crimean War? Not so much.

Anywhere within close proximity of a public restroom
And that means anywhere. Not inside of. Not outside of. Not in front of. Not in back of. This especially holds true if you run into a girl in the boy’s room, or vice versa.

In the waiting room of your shrink’s office
If you ignore this advice, and go out with the goth-looking chick or the eyeshadow-wearing guy who has the timeslot right after yours, and if after two months, it goes south, that means your doctor will be hearing about the failed “relationship” from both sides. Yuck.

Via an online website named something like “I’mGoingToStalkYou.com”
Don’t worry, this site doesn’t exist, but you get the point.

A funeral
Even if she looks amazing in her form-fitting black dress, or even if he is sexy as can be in his double-breasted black suit, don’t do it, if only because the specter of death will always hover over you.

Wrigley Field
The Chicago Cubs haven’t been in a World Series in approximately 3,000 years. A meeting at their venerable ballpark will be fraught with loser-ness.

A police station
Say your cousin got busted for getting into a fight at the aforementioned skanky, nasty, gross bar. Say he calls you to bail him out. Say the girl sharing his holding cell is drop-dead gorgeous, and you want to get her number. Don’t. There’s a high probability that this woman is a criminal, and criminals don’t necessarily make the best girlfriends.

Behind a dumpster in an alley
A dark, dirty, smelly place isn’t the best venue to lay the groundwork for a positive, healthy love affair. Besides, what’re they doing there? What’re you doing there? Wait, don’t answer that…

Work
As the saying goes, “Don’t (you know what) where you (you know what).” Sure, some wonderful relationships have been forged at the office, but the majority of workplace romances fizzle, collapsing under the weight of your co-worker’s gossiping, and too much exposure to one another.

5 FIRST DATE NO-NOs

It's happened to all of us at one time or another. We get excited about that first date, but it ends up being a total disaster.

A week or so later (maybe longer), we get to a stage where we can have a good laugh about it. So what went wrong?

Aside from some of the more usual mishaps such as gross exaggeration on the part of the other person (they don't work for MI5 after all), it's possible that too much unappealing information was given away. We'll make sure that you're prepared. Study this list of five things never to reveal before the second date.

1. The Ex-Files
There's nothing worse than a date who talks incessantly about a past love. "He treated me so badly but I really loved him" or "She was so good to me and I stupidly let her go."
Whatever.
This one is a no-brainer: the first date is not the time to drone on about all of your past ill-fated love affairs.

2. Silence Is Golden
If you're looking for a new love, chances are you may choose to hedge your bets and date more than one person at the same time before making your final choice. Whatever you do, don't let the cat out of the bag. So okay, technically you're not in a relationship if you're on a first date but it's still akin to saying, "this is a competition and you’re way behind." Nobody can compete with strangers - nor should they have to.

3. "Have my baby"
A female taxi driver picks up a fare and immediately goes all 'Fatal Attraction' on him. He tells her not to rush things because they've only just met and he's not ready - sound familiar? It's a funny advert on TV at the moment ramming home the point about a brand of lager's lengthy brewing process. However, it applies here too. There's no point stressing a desire for an immediate commitment because your date will feel your desperation and run a mile.

4. Family Ties
Hate your parents or your siblings or cousins? Keep it to yourself. We all have conflicts with our families, and most of us understand that family issues inevitably rear their ugly heads in intimate relationships as well. However, don't vent about your nearest and not-so-dearest in front of a date. First impressions count and the entire rant will probably be interpreted by the person with you as a sign of things to come.

5. I Hate My Life
Long, drawn-out monologues dwelling on a stagnant career (for example) certainly won't inspire confidence in your ability to respond effectively to negative life situations. Don't give the person you're spending the evening with ammunition to shoot you down.
It's great to talk about political opinions and other serious issues when you're getting to know someone new; how else will you figure out what you have in common? You really don’t have to keep it too light on the first date but keep in mind that if you're doing most of the talking — and if what you're talking about is mostly negative, you're probably not going to have a second date.