Celebrity Worship Syndrome

3 am!

11 degree below zero. I sleep with my eyes open (a marvel I mastered to help me survive dentistry lectures). I realize that I’ve been watching the E! Celebrity marathon for the last hour and a half. And after the break, the special candid feature about Paris Hilton! My face lights up like some Peshawar bound truck loaded with 3,000 mini bulbs with those God forsaken colors.
Shut up Vincezero! That’s my dog, named after an Italian mobster. Brags on and on like a Turk, even eats cannoli like his mother was a peasant in the Vatican. I said shut up you mutt, the grand event is here. And I make a little movie in my head. But no! The theme is “Paris buys a lollypop for 20 dollars from a local kid”, and drives away in her SUV. (rap video?)

It occurs to me then, why hasn’t some telemarketer called me to sell me the same brand of candy she’s got. “Douh”! (in the vocabulary of my greatest inspiration Homer Simpson) they got to me. My masculine fantasies have infected me to the deadly celebrity worship syndrome (CWS).

A third of people in the Untied Kingdom alone suffer from "celebrity worship syndrome," a fascination in the lives of the rich and famous that for some becomes a potentially dangerous addiction, according to New Scientist magazine.

People obsessed by this syndrome ask themselves questions like "I am obsessed by details of my favorite celebrity's life", "I consider my favorite celebrity to be my soul mate" and "If he/she asked me to do something illegal as a favor, I would probably do it." In addition, celebrity fans are significantly likelier to suffer from anxiety, depression and social dysfunction than non-worshippers.

And here’s the interesting part, the condition isn’t just physiological, it goes on to become pathological. The devotee develops an "intense-personal" attitude towards an idol, such as the belief that he or she had a special bond with the star.

At this point, celebrity worship is becoming an addiction. Those in this category are often neurotic, tense, emotional and moody. At its most intense, celebrity worship is "borderline-pathological," a condition found in 1 out of 4 Britons. These include celebrity stalkers and people who are willing to hurt themselves or others in the name of their idol. They correlate with symptoms of psychosis, such as impulsive, antisocial and egocentric behavior.

Just worshipping a celebrity does not make you dysfunctional, but it does put you at risk of being so. There is this progression of behaviors, and if you start, we don't know what's going to stop you.

People tend to get interested in celebrities at times when they are looking for direction in life, as in their teenage years. The situation isn’t much different in Pakistan either. View any moderately good-looking to a knock off local singer’s discussion forum. One can see 14-19 year olds proclaiming their love for the marasi... I’m sorry... singer!

Let’s see now…? Who to blame? And we have a winner! It’s the breaking up or non existence of family structure. Adolescents and teenagers have no one to look upon for reference, no one they can identify with and most importantly no mentors or role-models. So now they do the obvious, yes! Turn to the celebrity for guidance.

So if you find yourself rushing to ebid.com to buy Ben Affleck’s used napkin, or Brad Pitt’s Gucci underwear (no fight club fans, he really does wear Gucci) or Tony Blair’s office stationary (yes, being in the spotlight makes him worshipped), then you my friend need help!

The worst part is, a decade ago, you were famous if you were special. These days you’re special if you’re famous. Hence to say, celebrities have no criteria.

As for me. I’ll go back to watching TV with Vincezero in the sub-zero Quetta winters. Damn you ever image changing pop artists; you get to watch it with your girl. Well, at least he winks like Neha!